You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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