Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize