I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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