Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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