"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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