She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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