i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope mine doesn't look like that
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize