Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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