fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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