I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize