I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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