I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize