so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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