he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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