my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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