____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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