I feel great
I just peed on a car
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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