I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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