Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize