Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize