btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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