Pants 0. Shit 1.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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