Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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