i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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