I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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