Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize