we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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