i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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