I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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