I'm laying in your front yard are you home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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