We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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