Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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