what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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