He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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