Say something about gay babies.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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