I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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