you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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