You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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