I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize