No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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