if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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