i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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