Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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