I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize