i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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