I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize