I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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