4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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