I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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