This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize